


Speechless

by postweather



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-08
Updated: 2012-04-08
Packaged: 2017-11-08 17:32:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/445716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/postweather/pseuds/postweather
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU in which Blaine, upon leaving his old school, transfers to McKinley instead of Dalton. He uses the fresh start afforded to him and strategically becomes one of the most popular kids in school. It's fun until he meets Kurt Hummel, who has not been so lucky--after years of bullying, he has developed an anxiety disorder which makes it impossible for him to speak around people. In spite of their differences, they fall in love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Speechless

**Author's Note:**

> (inspired by a prompt at the kink meme)

There was a small crowd forming in the hallway, like a gathering at a witch burning.

"What's the matter, you little bitch, cat got your tongue?"

Blaine was planning to walk by quickly with his head down, ignore the scene and pretend like it didn't remind him of anything. It was what had always done since he transferred to McKinley; but he lifted his head for one split second and saw the boy, through the sea of teenaged heads, and he couldn't look away.

"Come on Hummel, say something," one of the bullies said. "We'll give you back your purse if you just ask nicely."

His eyes were as wide as saucers, rimmed red and brimming with unwanted tears, but he was silent.

"Fine. Guess we're keeping it, then." The bully slung the bag dramatically over his shoulder and led the group to walk away. One of the guys on the edges slammed the boy hard against his locker for good measure before they all made their way down the hallway. After they cleared, the boy became aware of Blaine's presence, staring at him across the floor. He looked thoroughly embarrassed.

"Hey, don't worry, I've got your back," Blaine said casually, and made his way down the hallway to chase after the bullies.

* * *

"Here you go," Blaine said, smoothing down his hair with one hand and handing over the backpack with the other. "I told them I would never invite them to any of my parties ever again if they didn't give it to me." The boy took it quietly and Blaine gave him a reassuring smile. "Not that I will either way. Those guys are jerks. It's not cool how they treated you."

The boy nodded and slung the bag over his shoulder. He looked towards the exit.

"Well, anyway. See you later." He started to walk away when Blaine realized. "Hey, wait." He turned around. "I forgot to introduce myself. I'm Blaine."

The boy bit his lip nervously. Blaine thought that maybe he saw the slight chance of a smile form on his lips, but it disappeared as suddenly as it appeared. He opened his bag, rummaged for a few seconds, and found what he was looking for: a notebook and a pen. He wrote something down, ripped the page out, folded it neatly in half, and handed it to Blaine, their hands touching for a brief second before the boy skittishly made his way out of the building.

Blaine unfolded the paper and saw, in gorgeous cursive:  _Kurt Hummel._

* * *

Blaine couldn't get him out of his mind. It was probably mostly out of boredom. Since he transferred to McKinley, he had starred in a few musicals and quickly became one of the most popular kids in school. He wasn't out to everyone, but the right people knew about his sexuality, meaning that when he threw one of his famous Friday night parties, he didn't have to try too hard to find someone to hook up with. McKinley wasn't incredibly different from his old school, but his parents decided against spending money on private school—he had to come to this new school with a strategy for coolness. It was the only way to survive. It was great, most of the time, but most of the time it seemed like he was always playing a part that was getting really, really boring. So he didn't  _need_ to add Kurt Hummel on facebook, but it seemed like the thing to do.

Blaine's thought process was this: obviously, Kurt wrote out his full name for this very purpose. He could have just written "I'm Kurt". No, in this day and age, if you give someone your full name, you are begging for an upgrade to friend status. The reason that Kurt couldn't say it out loud, however, while intriguing, was something Blaine couldn't really figure out. And the mystery of it all was exhilarating.

Blaine checked his inbox every night before bed, and as he had hoped, Kurt had accepted his friend request. And he was online. So much for bed time.

_Blaine:_  Hey. Thanks for accepting my friend request.

_Kurt_ : Oh, you're welcome. Thank you for helping me earlier today.

_Blaine_ : No problem. Why haven't I seen you around before?

It took a while for Kurt to respond. While he waited, Blaine looked over Kurt's profile, which was mostly empty and friendless.  _Hmm_ , Blaine thought.  _So this kid really is weird. But cute. Worth a shot._

_Kurt_ : I lie low.

_Blaine_ : You are so interesting : )

_Kurt_ : Thanks.

_Blaine_ : But if you don't mind me saying so, you might be able to make friends if you talked more. The whole strong, silent act is pretty hot but some friendly conversation every now and again is nice, too…

_Kurt_ : Sorry. I don't see anyone in McKinley worth talking to. If you haven't noticed, it's a school full of shitheads that treat me like I'm somehow beneath them. Why should I talk to any of them?

_Blaine:_  Woah, calm down. Okay. You don't have to talk to any of them.

_Kurt_ : I am calm. I don't care what you think of me. I don't even know you.  
 _Blaine_ : Maybe we can get to know each other.

There was another long wait.

_Kurt_ : Maybe. Just don't expect me to talk much.

_Blaine_ : Sure. You seem chatty enough right now, though : )

_Kurt:_  This is different.

_Blaine_ : Okay. By the way, I know those guys are jerks, and I'm not excusing them, but there are a lot of people in the world. Some of them are nice.

_Kurt_ : I haven't met them.

_Blaine_ : You met me!

_Kurt:_  But I guess I don't understand why you're interested in getting to know me, of all people.

_Blaine_ : Honestly? Okay, this is embarrassing, but I think you're pretty cute. Oh, god, this is embarrassing.

This was a trick Blaine used, pretending to be embarrassed about having crushes on boys. It always worked like a charm.

_Kurt_ : No one's ever called me cute before. Well, except for my mother, before she died.

_Blaine_ : You've totally just killed the moment, man. I'm sorry about your mom, though.

_Kurt_ : It's okay. Are you really gay?

_Blaine_ : Yep. I mean, I don't advertise it, but…

_Kurt_ : I've heard rumors.

_Blaine_ : So you've heard of me…

_Kurt_ : Everybody knows you.

_Blaine_ : Yeah, yeah. I guess. But you didn't answer my question. Oh, wait. I didn't ask a question. Would you like to go out sometime? We can be very silent about it, if you want.

Kurt left him waiting again, and Blaine felt something suspiciously like nervousness flutter through his stomach, which he ignored because he wasn't used to feeling such things. It just wasn't like him. Still, it felt as though his heart beat got stronger when Kurt finally responded.

_Kurt:_  Sure. I have nothing better to do.

* * *

Blaine didn't normally do the whole 'dating' thing. Usually he and the guys he hooked up with were on the same page—they'd hook up at parties and maybe casually after school but that wasn't dating. The only reason it was different with Kurt was because Blaine felt kind of sorry for the kid. He figured a movie was the least he could offer before he dove straight into his pretty little pants.

Which were very tight. And gorgeous. So much so that Blaine almost didn't mind the fact that no matter how hard he tried, Kurt would not say a word as they drove to the movie theatre, and when they waited in line. Blaine didn't let a silent moment creep in, though, and he finally began to see it as kind of a nice thing—nobody had ever listened to him as politely before. Blaine talked and talked and talked, about school, and music, and anything else he could think of, anything to keep the "conversation" going, and after a while Kurt seemed grateful that Blaine had stopped asking "Are you really not going to say anything?" He even smiled now and again at something Blaine had said.

"You have a pretty smile," Blaine told him, as they were waiting in line. "Has anyone ever told you that?"

Kurt blushed and looked down at his feet, and before Blaine could say anything else, it was their turn up at the ticket counter. Kurt fumbled for his wallet, but Blaine held his hand back. "I invited you. Let me." Kurt shook his head, still blushing, and Blaine said, "You can buy the popcorn."

A movie turned out to be a good idea. By the time they sat down Blaine had run out of things to say, and he was exhausted from trying to keep up the one-sided conversation. Sitting with Kurt in the dark theater was nice. They shared the popcorn Kurt had paid for and their hands brushed together every once and a while, and Blaine could feel it, sure enough: a surge of attraction through his entire body. He didn't normally go for boys who posed an obvious challenge, but that was mostly because he had never met a boy who was like Kurt.

Driving back, Blaine was almost nervous. "Hey, so, it's a Saturday and the night is still young. Do you want to come over to my place?"

Kurt looked at Blaine's hand on the steering wheel, thinking it over. Then, he shrugged.

"We can listen to music. Hang out. It could be fun."

Kurt bit his lip and shook his head. Then he fumbled into his pocket and took out that very small notebook he had used the other day to tell Blaine his name. Blaine almost laughed, but he was glad he didn't.

_I don't know,_ he wrote.

"You really don't talk, do you?" Blaine said, amazed. Kurt nodded. "Never?" Another nod. "Well, that's relief. I was beginning to think you didn't like me." That got a smile.

_Do you like me?_

"A lot," Blaine said. "I like you a lot."

_Why?_

"I think you're interesting, and gorgeous, and though I'd probably know more if you'd talk, you seem smart. Different from other kids."

_Most other kids don't like me._

Blaine slowed the car, pulling over at the side of the road. He wanted to concentrate on every word. "That's because they don't know you."

_And because I'm gay._

Blaine swallowed, hesitating for a minute. "Yeah. They're ignorant, that's all."

_That's why I don't talk._ Kurt handed him the notebook, this time, as if to say: take it, I'm done with it.

"Okay, you don't talk at school because those kids are dumbasses who don't know what they're talking about. But why won't you talk to me? I'm like you."

Kurt sighed, and the sound of it made Blaine's skin tingle. He grabbed the notebook back.  _You're not that much like me._  Blaine didn't know what to say to that. Silence filled up the car. Kurt started writing again.  _They used to make fun of my voice._  He was trembling with the force of writing it.  _So I stopped talking. It was easy, but after a while, it gets hard to talk sometimes_   _and not all the time, like I was two different people. That's when I stopped._

"That's it? They made fun of you, and you never talked again?"

_It was a lot more than just making fun._

_"_ I know. I'm sorry."

_And sometimes I talk to my dad._

Blaine smiled. "He's a lucky man, then. Well, if you don't want to talk, that's fine. It doesn't bother me. How about my place, then?"

Kurt smiled, and like a miracle, he nodded.

* * *

They were sitting together on Blaine's bed, a song softly playing on the radio, and Blaine had finally understood that thing people were always talking about: being able to be quiet with a person without any awkwardness. Kurt was probably used to it, but Blaine had never been able to sit quietly with someone and just listen to music. He didn't want to ruin the moment, but he couldn't stop himself from kissing Kurt.

And it was good. Kurt was an awesome kisser, and Blaine was turned on almost instantly. If it were any other guy, he would have already been situating his hand in prosperous ways; he'd already be scheming the boy out of his clothes. Blaine thought that the fact that he bought the kid a movie ticket would make it okay, but by the time he had Kurt on his bed, he couldn't go through with it.

Kurt's tongue was in his mouth by the time he realized this, however, which made it harder to break away. "I'm sorry," Blaine said in an almost whisper. Kurt looked at him like he was crazy. "I mean, this is our first date, you probably think I'm a creep…"

Kurt rolled his eyes slightly. He took out his notebook _. I told you, I've heard about you. Don't act all innocent now._

"Hey, I'm not acting innocent. I don't want to take anybody's virginity if they're not ready, that's all." Kurt blushed at that. "Sorry. That came out wrong."

_Just because I'm a virgin doesn't mean I'm innocent._

Blaine couldn't help but smile. This boy was perfect."Fair enough. But you're different."

_How so?_

"Say for instance we were…being intimate. And you wanted to stop, or you wanted to do something different…how would you be able to tell me if you don't talk?"

Kurt bit his lip and looked down at the notebook in his hands.  _We could have a hand signal or something?_

There was a silent moment before Blaine finally smiled. "You really want to, don't you?"

_You don't know what it's like to be unpopular. If it was possible to die from horniness, I'd be dead._

"Oh, my god, Kurt Hummel. I keep liking you more and more."

_So kiss me again._

He had somehow found himself pounced upon, and there was no way he was complaining. Kurt was definitely eager, but Blaine could tell he was nervous. He ran a hand through Blaine's curls and Blaine could feel his fingers trembling. He took Kurt's wrists gently in his hands.

"Lie down, I wanna touch you." He paused. "If that's okay."

Kurt nodded and slid off of Blaine's body.

"I'm gonna take off my shirt, if that's okay," Blaine said, and Kurt's eyes lit up like a Christmas tree, which Blaine tried not to laugh too much about. "Then I'm gonna suck you off, if that, too, is okay."

Kurt's face turned bright red and after a slight hesitation, he nodded furiously. "But here," Blaine said, offering his wrist. "Squeeze my wrist like you would if you wanted to stop. That will be our signal." Kurt nodded again and took Blaine's wrist in his hand, squeezing three times in a row and giving him another nod.

Kurt sat up at the base of the bed and Blaine leaned in to kiss his neck, his hand precariously placed on his knee. Kurt reached for his notebook, strewn and forgotten by his side, and Blaine stopped kissing to watch him write.

_How many guys have you been with?_

"A few. Not many. Mostly just handjobs in the bathroom," Blaine said with a laugh, placing another kiss on Kurt's neck. "Why? Is that a problem?"

Kurt shook his head, but Blaine could tell he wanted to say something. "I really like you, Kurt. I don't normally go on dates, you know. We don't even have to do anything, but if we do, it won't just be another handjob in a bathroom for me. Just so you know."

Kurt smiled.  _Okay. Good. I mean, I was just wondering._  He put the notebook on Blaine's nightstand and Blaine reached for the zipper on his jeans. Kissing his neck again, he slowly worked Kurt's pants off. The sound of Kurt's breathing, growing heavier as Blaine began to rub him gently through his briefs, was exhilarating. Blaine knew there was no way Kurt could last with the whole silence thing—he'd lose control at some point, and Blaine planned on enjoying it.

He could feel Kurt tense up when he pushed his briefs down, exposing him completely. "You are so sexy," Blaine said, trying to calm him. Also, it was true. "And beautiful, too." He kissed Kurt gently on the lips once before stroking him. He didn't have to do much; Kurt was already as hard as he could get. With a grin, Blaine leaned in and took him into his mouth without hesitation, wanting to shock Kurt's system into a moan. As much as the silence intrigued him, the more time he spent with Kurt, the more he wondered.

Kurt was silent the entire time, though, even when Blaine pulled out all the punches—licking up and down tortuously slow, then sucking fast, deep throating him until his eyes watered. Kurt only showed his appreciation with small tugs of Blaine's hair and heavy breathing. Finally, he came down Blaine's throat without a warning, rocking his hips off the bed and riding it out.

When Blaine sat back up, wiping his mouth, he was smiling. "Did you like that?"

Kurt scrambled to grab his notebook off the nightstand.  _Oh my god_ , he wrote.

Blaine smiled. "I'm glad."

There was a small awkward moment. Kurt eyed the front of Blaine's pants with a worried expression—he was obviously hard in a painful way, his pants noticeably tented. "Do you want to try?" Blaine offered.

Kurt nodded, his standard move, and reached for Blaine's zipper, hands shaking as he undressed Blaine fully. His hand reached out and grabbed him immediately—he started by pumping him with a limp fist until he finally got the courage to lean down and lick him.

"That's it," Blaine said, breathless. He had never been so turned on in his life—he couldn't tell if it was the silence, or the way Kurt looked, so pink and bashful, or if it was everything about Kurt that did it for him – his cute little smile and his more than cute cock. Kurt was perfect. Blaine weaved his hands through his soft brown hair and moaned with appreciation as Kurt began to suck him. "That's it. Yes, just like that," Blaine said softly.

Kurt sucked him harder and faster, taking him deeper with each motion. Finally, it was too much, and Blaine moaned from deep in his throat. "I'm gonna come, Kurt. Fuck, fuck yeah…" Kurt pulled his head back slightly but kept his mouth attached to the very tip of Blaine's cock, sucking it gently and stroking with his hand until Blaine was coming, his fingers latching onto strands of hair tighter, his words turning into meaningless babble.

The first thing Kurt did when he sat up again was grab his notebook. Blaine hardly noticed. He was too busy trying to catch his breath. Kurt wrote it out and shoved the notebook under Blaine's face.  _Was that good?_

Blaine closed his eyes, too content to speak too much. "Very good. I think I'm going to ask you to be my boyfriend now."

Kurt took a very deep breath, so deep that he sort of puffed up like a strange type of fish.  _Oh_ , he wrote.

"Oh?" Blaine laughed. "Okay. I mean, if you're not looking for a relationship, that's fine."

_No. No, that's not it, I just don't get it._

"Get it?"

_I like you but I also feel like this might be an incredibly evil practical joke._

"You're not used to people liking you," Blaine noted. "Which is horrific, considering how likeable I find you."

Kurt shrugged sadly.

"Hey, listen, I know it's hard for you to trust people, after everything you've been through. I know you think I'm popular and there's no way I get it but I do. I get it a lot more than you know. I really like you, Kurt, and I'm willing to prove it."

Kurt nodded solemnly.

"So is that a yes or a no?"

_Yes._

Blaine smiled and pulled him close. They cuddled for a while in their state of undress, quietly listening to each other breathing. The intimacy of it all make Blaine feel slightly unraveled, considering he had only just met this boy, and he had never cuddled with anyone in his life. Still, it felt right, and Blaine figured Kurt was a guy who could use a cuddle. After a while, though, Kurt started writing.

_You have to take me home now. I have a curfew._

* * *

Months had gone by, and things had changed dramatically. Blaine used to value being cool, having everybody like him—now all he cared about was Kurt. It scared him at first, but Blaine was one to go with the flow, and he decided to embrace his new sentimentality wholeheartedly.

He glowed with happiness to see that things had changed for Kurt, too, in the best sort of ways, ways he'd share with Blaine during their nightly webchats, which also happened to be Blaine's favorite time of the day, except on days that he got to get his boyfriend naked.

_Kurt_ : I used to be sick to my stomach every time I walked into that building. But now I know that you're there, and I'm safe.

_Blaine_ : Yeah. No one bothers you anymore, have you noticed?

_Kurt_ : Of course I noticed. It's because they all think you're the coolest.

_Blaine_ : They know I would kick the shit out of any one who dared look at you in the wrong way.

_Kurt_ : My hero ;)

_Blaine_ : Maybe, now that things are different, you could think about giving that oral presentation for Mrs. Cook's class…

_Kurt_ : Blaine. Don't. Can't we just have a happy conversation?

_Blaine_ : We are having a happy conversation. I'm just saying, accepting a zero could really hurt your grade. You could just pretend you're talking to me.

_Kurt_ : I can't.

_Blaine_ : Why?

_Kurt:_  I can't even talk in front of you, how is pretending that supposed to help?

Kurt had a point. And Blaine couldn't pretend that it didn't bother him, the fact that Kurt still wouldn't speak in front of him. He had successfully gotten small gasps out of him, and each one seemed amazing, but Blaine was filled with curiosity about Kurt's voice—a curiosity which slowly turned into a need. He needed to hear the boy that he loved.

_Kurt_ : Well, don't get all quiet…

_Blaine_ : That's real funny, coming from you.

_Kurt:_  I'm sorry.

_Blaine:_  It's okay.

_Kurt_ : No, it isn't. You deserve a guy who will speak to you. I'm a weirdo.

_Blaine_ : I love you, everything about you, and every day I thank the universe for sending you my way. You're a blessing, Kurt. Don't ever forget that.

_Kurt_ : …..

_Blaine_ : Shit, I just pulled out the 'I love you' card by accident, didn't I.

_Kurt_ : …yeah. I love you too.

_Blaine_ : I was planning on saying it in person.

_Kurt_ : You'd only be disappointed when I didn't say it back to you.

Blaine knew he was right.

_Blaine:_  You don't disappoint me, okay? When I see you tomorrow I'm going to tell you I love you a thousand times and you'll write me a thousand I love you notes and we'll be so cute, everyone will die. Okay?

_Kurt:_  Okay. : ) By the way, I'm not accepting a zero from Miss Cook. I wrote a very impassioned letter to Miss Pillsbury and she's getting her to give me a new assignment, on account of my unique case.

_Blaine_ : That's my boy. You'll be the first ever lawyer to not be able to say a word.

_Kurt:_  Shut up. I love you, I love you, I love you. I'll write the 997 others tomorrow when I see you.

* * *

The air was different on the day that it happened; it was thicker in the small space between them when Blaine closed his bedroom door and pressed Kurt against it, sealing his intention with a deep kiss. Kurt allowed himself to be pushed up, and he wrapped his legs around Blaine's waist.

"It's been too long," Blaine mumbled against Kurt's lips. He meant since they had had sex, but also, since they had gotten a chance to be with each other, alone, kissing. They saw each other every day at school and talked every night online but alone time was scarce—there was always a parent downstairs or a paper to write.

Kurt tried to get at his pocket but he was too squished between Blaine and the door to do it. With a smile, Blaine snuck his hand in to get the notebook and pen out, handing it to him. Kurt smiled a thank you and wrote something down, using Blaine's chest as a surface to write on. Then, he presented it:

_Do you have lube?_

"Oh. Um, yeah," Blaine said, his nervous voice giving him away. He put Kurt back on his feet. "Do you have something in mind?" he asked as casually as possible. Kurt smirked and walked over to the bed, sitting down and writing something else down. He handed the notebook to Blaine as he crossed over to the bed.

_Duh. I mean, blowjobs are fun but don't you think we're ready to try other things?_

"Definitely." Kurt had forced Blaine to go over his entire sexual history a few weeks before—Kurt knew enough that he had had anal sex with two guys before, topping once and bottoming the other, but they hadn't yet had a discussion about doing it themselves. Blaine knew it would lead to this but he wanted Kurt to initiate it. "So, tell me more about what you want to try," Blaine said with a nervous laugh. It would be easy if it were just another hook up, like those other guys. Blaine would tell him what he wanted and Kurt could take it or leave it. Blaine was still new to being attentive to someone else's needs, but he wanted to make a good effort. "Whatever you want, Kurt."

_I've been thinking a lot lately,_ Kurt wrote, and then he stopped, hesitating for a moment _. I want you to fuck me._

Blaine smiled and nodded, feeling speechless. He always had to remind himself that Kurt was quiet, but he wasn't always shy. He kissed the crook of Kurt's neck delicately and murmured, "Take your clothes off and lie down."

Blaine stripped off own his clothes quickly and reverently watched Kurt, who was slowly taking off his layers. "Hey, we're home alone. You know what that means." Kurt looked at him, amusement laced with anxiety in his eyes. "We can be as loud as we want." Kurt rolled his eyes and picked up his notebook, which looked ridiculous contrasting with his completely bare skin. Blaine didn't always understand how Kurt could be comfortable being naked in front of somebody and still couldn't talk, but he supposed it was just two different kinds of vulnerability.

_You_ _can be as loud as you want,_  Kurt had written.  _I like hearing you scream._

"That's good to hear. I like hearing you…breathe," Blaine said with a laugh. Kurt frowned. "Sorry," he added. "Do you remember the signal?" Kurt nodded. He lay on his back and looked up at Blaine expectantly.

Blaine inched closer and spread Kurt's legs. He took out the lube and a condom from his nightstand drawer and put them to the side. Kurt eyed them with curiosity before looking back into Blaine's eyes and giving him an encouraging smile.

"Okay, first thing," Blaine said, taking hold of Kurt's half-hard cock and stroking him lightly with a teasing rhythm. "Remember to breathe, and if it hurts even a little bit, let me know and we'll stop." Kurt nodded.

Blaine felt nervous as he lubed up his fingers, worrying slightly that, even though he was more experienced, he wouldn't be any good for Kurt, like he desperately wanted to be. He took his time and Kurt squirmed below him, impatient. Blaine lifted Kurt's legs and hoisted them over his shoulders, his hand sneaking below. He took Kurt's cock into his mouth and Kurt exhaled loudly. Blaine glanced up and their eyes locked as his mouth slowly worked Kurt's cock. Kurt's jaw clenched and Blaine stroked his leg gently with his non-lubed hand to calm him. When he felt Kurt relax, he brought his slick hand to his hole, rubbing gently with curious fingers.

He kept his eyes fixed on Kurt in spite of the fact that he was trying to do two things at once. He didn't want to say anything, because he didn't want to upset Kurt, but in this situation, Kurt's silence worried him more than it ever had before. They had their signal but it couldn't be as immediate as a "no" or a "stop" and Blaine didn't want to hurt him. Luckily, if Kurt's silence had given the pair anything it was a unique ability to read each other's minds from time to time. Kurt opened his eyes, heavy and unfocused with desire, and gave him a slight nod, a presumed go-ahead. Blaine pressed a slow finger inside and Kurt's back instantly arched, and his eyes clenched shut.

"Breathe," Blaine reminded him. He slid his free hand up Kurt's body and Kurt took it, tightly wrapping their fingers together. "Does it feel good or bad?" Kurt bobbed his head up and down in something resembling a nod. "Good?" Another nod, and Kurt was squirming again. "More?" Another nod, and it was as if Kurt's entire body was pulsing against Blaine's, the way he was wiggling, pushing himself against Blaine's hand. Blaine took his cock back into his mouth and pressed a second finger inside, eliciting a small gasp from Kurt, which, as always, was like a quiet victory.

Blaine fingered and sucked him until it seemed as though they had both forgotten what they had set out to do in the first place, and Kurt was coming down Blaine's throat, his jaw clenched to keep from moaning and his hands squeezing Blaine's hand so hard they were red when he finally let go.

_That felt so good,_ Kurt wrote. He handed Blaine the notebook and Blaine read it with a smile, but the words felt thin to him; he wanted to  _hear_ it, and he couldn't pretend like he didn't notice the way Kurt restrained himself, the way he kept coming so close to screaming, always reigning himself in at the last moment. He couldn't register his feelings too much, though, because his cock was throbbing and he needed Kurt.

"Do you still want to?" Blaine asked, handing Kurt the notebook back, so he could write:  _Yes._

Their bodies pressed together close and Blaine could feel the sweat on Kurt's skin. He kissed him as he eased inside, and Kurt's mouth opened wider against his as he went deeper, but he didn't make a sound. "Breathe," Blaine whispered one more time, and Kurt's shaky breath resumed again. Blaine didn't move until Kurt was breathing deeply and steadily, but once he started moving he couldn't stop. "You feel so good, baby. So good."

Kurt mashed their lips together in response, but it could hardly be called a kiss. They were moving together steadily like a wave, the sensations washing over them, overwhelming them both. Blaine could feel himself moving faster, pounding harder with each thrust. "Are—you-okay?" Blaine gasped. Kurt nodded, his back arching. Blaine lifted up and thrust in harder, letting himself go, lost to the feeling, and a barely audible squeak came from Kurt's mouth as he was pounded.

"Yes," Blaine moaned, but Kurt covered his mouth with his hands. "Baby, let go. It's okay." Kurt shook his head and Blaine slowed down to a gentle rhythm. Kurt shook his head again and grabbed Blaine's wrist, squeezing three times. Their signal.

"Okay," Blaine whispered, pulling out and resting on top of Kurt, feeling slightly bereft of the feeling but also strangely grateful, as he was going to come within seconds if they had kept up that pace. "Are you okay?" Kurt didn't say anything, obviously, but he also didn't meet Blaine's eyes. He stared straight ahead, his breathing heavy, and ignored Blaine when he tried to hand him his notebook. "Tell me."

Kurt pulled him close and kissed him passionately, so that when they pulled apart, Blaine was dazed and had forgotten what he was thinking about in the seconds before. Then, Kurt pushed him off, pulled himself up and settled on his hands and knees. "Oh," Blaine said. "You sure?" Kurt pushed his ass up in the air and nodded.

As he pushed back inside Kurt, he could feel the tenseness return. "Relax, Kurt. It's just me. You don't have to worry." He gently stroked his hand up and down Kurt's bare back until he could feel Kurt relax. Then he picked up the slow, even rhythm again.

It was as though his cock heard it before his ears did, because when Kurt moaned for the first time it was like he was being hit with pleasure in an entirely new way. When it fully registered, Blaine leaned forward and kissed Kurt on the cheek, all the while keeping up the quickening pace that had got him moaning in the first place. Kurt tilted his head so that their lips met and Blaine thrust harder as they kissed. "Ahh. Mmmhmm…," Kurt moaned into Blaine's lips.

"Fuck, Kurt." Kurt pushed his head back down, breaking their kiss, and Blaine noticed that he was blushing furiously. "I love you, baby." He wrapped his hand around and grabbed Kurt's cock, pumping him in time with his thrusts, bringing him closer and closer to the edge.

"Blaine!" Kurt screamed, and for Blaine, everything went white; he was coming. It was only until he had stilled, resting his body against Kurt's back that he realized that his hand had gone limp and Kurt hadn't come yet. He pulled out and Kurt sat up, his body softly shaking as Blaine took off his condom and threw it out.

"Holy fuck, Kurt," Blaine said, shaking his head slightly in disbelief as he took Kurt's leaking cock into his hand and finished him off with a few hard strokes. Kurt came silently, and when he was done, he grabbed a nearby blanket and covered himself with it.

"Well. I have never come harder in my entire life," Blaine said, his voice tinged with laughter, but Kurt looked embarrassed. He lay down and turned his back to Blaine. "Hey, come on. Talk to me. Did I do something wrong?"

Kurt turned back around and shook his head. He looked so distant, but he didn't push back when Blaine lay down beside him to wrap his arms around him.

"So I guess you don't want to talk," Blaine said, and Kurt smiled slightly, burying his head in the crook of Blaine's neck and nodding. "I want to know if that was at least good for you." Kurt nodded again and kissed Blaine's skin, his lips lingering, filling Blaine's body with a feeling of love. They would have time to talk about it, Blaine presumed, but he knew enough that it wouldn't be out loud. Not yet.

* * *

He dropped Kurt off about five minutes before his curfew. "Are you going to be online tonight?" Blaine asked, and Kurt nodded before kissing him on the cheek and leaving the car. Sure enough, when Blaine got home and sat in front of the computer, Kurt was online and waiting for him.

_Kurt:_  Hey sweetie…

_Blaine_ : Hey : )

_Kurt_ : I had fun today.

_Blaine_ : Me too. I think that was obvious…

_Kurt_ : Haha…yeah ;)

_Blaine_ : So….anyway….

_Kurt_ : Yeah?

_Blaine:_  Would you be embarrassed if I told you that I think you have a beautiful voice or would you rather I not say anything?

_Kurt_ : …..I'd rather you not say anything.

_Blaine_ : Okay. I'm sorry. It's just that, you do.

_Kurt:_  Blaine, don't.

_Blaine_ : Don't what?

_Kurt_ : It was embarrassing for me to lose control like that. I don't want to talk about it.

_Blaine_ : But don't you what to do it again? You said you had fun.

_Kurt_ : I did have fun. I just didn't expect it…

_Blaine_ : To be that much fun?

_Kurt:_  I guess. I have to control myself better next time. Maybe we can get a ball gag or something. Is that too kinky for you?

_Blaine_ : Firstly, nothing is too kinky for me, so don't be afraid to give me a list of suggestions. Secondly, I don't want you to have to control yourself around me. You shouldn't have to.

_Kurt_ : I don't like people hearing me. What don't you understand about that?

_Blaine_ : I understand it, but I know it's hard for you. If you're not ready to speak, that's fine, but you need an outlet. And, hey, if sex can be that outlet for you, I'd never bother you about oral presentations again.

_Kurt_ : Did you really like it that much?

_Blaine_ : I loved it. It felt so good to hear you.

_Kurt_ : Okay. Then build up your stamina for next time.

_Blaine_ : Mmm. Okay. : )

_Kurt:_  …because you're going to have to fuck me a hell of a lot harder if you want me to scream for you.

_Blaine:_ Oh, yeah. Yes. Definitely. Yes.

_Kurt_ : God, you're such a bad influence on me.

_Blaine_ : I'd think of a witty comeback to that but I can't even think right now. omg.

_Kurt_ : Oh, come on. Mr. Cool Guy?

_Blaine_ : You're a pretty terrible influence on me, yourself. Jesus Christ, Kurt. We're facebook chatting and now I'm hard as a rock and it's all your fault and fuck, I love you.

_Kurt_ : I love you too. I guess we should say goodnight so you can go take care of that. ;)

_Blaine_ : Oh, don't make fun of me. You don't understand what you do to me.

_Kurt_ : : ) Thank you, Blaine. For everything.

* * *

When Blaine got Kurt alone next, it was as if they were playing a game—Kurt looked at him, his eyebrow raised, a cocky grin on his face, daring him to get a peep out of him, and Blaine nearly tackled him into the bed.

"God, Kurt," Blaine moaned into the skin of Kurt's neck. "Been thinking about this non-stop. Can't get you out of my mind." He tore off their clothes as quickly as he could until they were naked and entangled, rocking together steadily. Kurt kissed him and Blaine grabbed the lube he had set aside, knowing that Kurt was going to come over. Kurt grinned at him and Blaine shrugged, sheepishly. "You still want it? Like you said?" Kurt nodded and kissed him lightly as he squeezed some of the lube into his fingers and slid his hand between Kurt's legs, sliding a finger into his hole gently. They kissed and Blaine gently fingered him, opening him up with what turned into two, then three fingers.

After a while, Kurt pushed him off, getting him to lie on his back. He grabbed the condom that lay on the nightstand and unwrapped it with a smile. "Put it on me," Blaine said, and Kurt grinned as he complied, pushing it down Blaine's already painfully hard length. Blaine tried to get up but Kurt pushed him back gently, hopping on top of him so that he hovered just over his cock. "Are you gonna ride me, baby?"

As an answer, Kurt sunk down on him, easing slowly until he was fully inside. Then, with a look of practiced calm, he began to rock back and forth, his palms pressed open against Blaine's bare chest to steady himself. And it felt amazing, but Blaine couldn't help but notice how Kurt's bottom lip was disappearing into his mouth, and the way his brow was furrowed with concentration. He was keeping himself controlled again, and Blaine knew it was his job to get him to let go. "Kurt, baby, that feels so good…" Kurt threw his head back triumphantly and began to move faster. Hesitatingly, Blaine pushed his hips up, throwing Kurt off so that he stopped moving. "Do you like that? Do you want me to fuck you?" Kurt looked nervous, but he nodded, looking straight into Blaine's eyes, and Blaine thrust up again, deeper this time. Kurt pulled himself off and fell onto the bed beside Blaine, tugging him by the arm, bringing him close again. Blaine crawled on top of Kurt and kissed him before pushing inside his hole effortlessly, as if they had already done this a hundred times, as if they both weren't secretly frightened over the power it held over them.

"Do you want it? Do you want me to fuck you hard?" Blaine blushed through his own dirty talk, but he kept secretly hoping that Kurt would answer him. When he only nodded furiously, his eyes clenched shut, Blaine felt edged on. He thrust hard and fast into Kurt, pounding him so hard into the bed that they shook, the sound of the mattress creaking filling the room.

It seemed fruitless at first, despite how good it felt, until Kurt finally moaned—but once he started, he would not stop. It seemed like forever before he could find words, the first of which was a guttural " _Fuck._ "

Victorious, Blaine laughed, slowing down slightly to kiss Kurt once before pulling back and resuming his hard thrusts. "Yes, yes, yes, oh, oh, Blaine, fuck…" Kurt's voice was a high wail, and Blaine almost felt like stopping. He wanted to concentrate; he wanted to hear the voice he had been so sorely missing all those months—but he knew if he stopped Kurt would fall silent again, and Blaine wanted anything but that. "Fuck…fuck me. God, Blaine, I love you," Kurt said, almost in a whisper now, his voice sounding broken, as if it had been torn from his throat. Blaine kept it up, finding a secret well of endurance he didn't know he had, until he felt the splashes of Kurt's come in between their stomachs. Then, finally, he allowed himself release inside Kurt, who was breathing as loud as an out of shape marathon runner.

They kissed so long that by the time they stopped, they were both shivering and sticky from the dried sweat and come on their bodies. Blaine looked around for Kurt's notebook, but when he couldn't find it he looked back at Kurt. His eyes were shut, his entire body slack with exhaustion, and Blaine snuggled up close to him, knowing there was nothing left to be said between them, not now—and for the first time, it was a beautiful thing.

* * *

On Blaine's seventeenth birthday, he was awakened with a text.  _Can I come over and drive you to school today, birthday boy?_ Blaine smiled, sent a  _Yes <3 _and got out of bed.

He had just gotten out of the shower, thrown on some clothes, and was adjusting that day's bowtie in front of the mirror when Kurt walked into the room.

"Hey you."

Kurt smiled as he crossed over the room to Blaine. He wrapped his arms around Blaine's waist and hugged him tightly. Blaine turned around, expecting a kiss, but instead Kurt pushed something into his hand.

"What's this?"

Kurt tapped the note wrapped on top of the small box that was now in Blaine's hands. "Oh, duh, right." Blaine pulled it off and read it.

"'Dear Blaine.' Aw. 'Happy birthday. Before you get excited thinking I bought you something really expensive, let me tell you that your gift is of a much more sentimental variety. You're probably reading this as I'm standing right next to you, but I'm going to leave while you open the box.'" The note ended, and Blaine looked puzzled when he looked back up at Kurt, who gave him a weak smile and started to make his way out of the room.

"I wouldn't love you if you weren't strange," Blaine said under his breath as he opened the box. Inside was what appeared to be a blank disc. Blaine thought for a brief moment that Kurt had actually given him a blank CD in a box, but before he got the chance to be disappointed about that, he realized that there was probably something on it, so he walked over to his desk and put it into his computer.

His heart skipped a beat when the image of Kurt came up on his screen. Realizing what it was about instantly, Blaine pressed play, his stomach doing somersaults.

The image of Kurt smiled nervously at the camera. He looked down at what looked like a piece of paper with a script written on it. Blaine melted with love as Kurt began to speak.

"Okay, so I'm going to say a bunch of things, but because I'm out of practice and I probably sound dumb enough and I don't want to forget anything, I wrote it all down," Kurt said into the camera. He took a deep breath; he had said that entire sentence without breathing. "I'm a little nervous," he said, before clearing his throat, looking down at the paper, and reading:

"Dear Blaine (again), I was racking my mind, trying to figure out what to get you for your birthday, but I couldn't think of anything. Of course, I've got perfect fashion sense and any piece of clothing I got you would be amazing, but that wouldn't be special. I can dress you up any time I want to. What I really wanted, for this first birthday of yours that you're spending with me…" He looked up at the camera after saying this, as if the camera was a set of eyes he was gazing into. Then he bit his lip and looked down again, ducking his head and rushing through his words. "…was to give you something really special. So I thought: what is one thing Blaine is always telling me he wants? The answer was obvious, after blowjobs (just kidding), Blaine is always telling me how much he wants to hear me. And even though we've got a new system lately that is too naughty to talk about on video, I know you'd also like to have a conversation from time to time. But you've been patient with me, and I love you for that, because it's exactly what I need. I'm going to keep trying, until one day, I can turn to you and say something really boring and mediocre like, 'What a nice day it is outside,' or, 'That color bow tie looks nice on you, where'd you get it? Oh, I forgot, I bought it for you.' Until then, I wanted to give you something in return for all your kindness, and your patience, and your love."

He stopped talking then, although his eyes were still fixed on the paper, which within another moment, he crumbled in his hands. When he looked up again, his eyes let on how vulnerable the words made him, even though technically he was alone, speaking to a webcam. Blaine smiled at the image of his boyfriend trusting him with his voice, which was beautiful even when it trembled through his words. "So this is sort of your present," he said into the camera. "But not just this. I'm also going to give you a promise. I want to move on, Blaine, and I think I can. You make me feel like I can, which is a better gift than what I can give you, I admit. But I'm going to start talking. I mean, not now, but this, this video, is a start, and I want to make other starts. It scares me, but this scares me, too, and I'm doing it… and I know I'm rambling." He closed his eyes. "It's like all the words I could never say are coming out at once so I better wrap it up before I run out of room on this disc or you die of boredom. What I'm saying is, you should call me sometime, maybe I'll pick up, and maybe we can replace facebook chatting with phone calls, or skyping, or something like that, even though the idea of having a spoken conversation with someone other than my father always makes me kind of sick, you're the first person since this all started that I've even  _considered_ …" He sighed, knowing he was rambling still, and said, finally, "I want to talk to you, Blaine, because I love you and it's your birthday so I promise to start trying my best and also to buy you dinner tonight. Okay. The end."

He shook his head in embarrassment and reached over to shut the video off. Blaine sat back, and for the first time since the video started he became aware of himself and his body again. He had been watching and listening so intently that he didn't realize that he was on the verge of tears until Kurt peaked his head into the room.

Kurt looked him over and his face scrunched sweetly at the sight of him. "Don't make fun of me," Blaine said, sniffling slightly. "My boyfriend just gave me the best present in the world and I'm feeling a lot of feelings in a masculine way, okay?"

Kurt smiled and sat on Blaine's lap and silently, they held each other until they were so late for school they knew there was no use in going. They spent the entire day in bed, which Blaine thought was the second best present, until later that day, after Kurt had rushed home in order to not miss his curfew, and Blaine's phone started to ring.

"Hi, Blaine."

"Hi," Blaine said, giddy on the other line.

Blaine could hear his nervous exhale before saying, "Did you know I used to sing? When I was really little. I'm telling you this now not because I'm going to sing for you, but because my goal is to be able to sing you happy birthday by this time next year, in person. But first I have to practice my conversation skills, so please, go on, ask me how my day was."

"How was your day, Kurt?" Blaine said, happy for the prompt, because for the first time in his life, he was speechless.

"It was the best day of my life, and it wasn't even my birthday."

"Ditto, except for that last part."

"Good." Kurt was breathing heavy as if this was all a great effort for him, which Blaine knew was true. "It's late, and we spent the entire day together…so I just wanted to say happy birthday one more time, and also, I love you."

Blaine's entire body hummed with joy. He had no idea three words alone could instill in him such a physical reaction, but then again, he didn't know before today if he'd ever hear it coming from Kurt except under more devious circumstances. "I love you too, Kurt. Thank you so much. For everything."

"Goodnight," Kurt said softly before hanging up, and Blaine kept the sound of it in his head until he fell asleep. He knew, deep down, that Kurt's voice saying "goodnight" was what he wanted to hear every night for as long as Kurt would have him.


End file.
